Secrets To A Happy Union Courtesy Of Will And Jada
So... Will Smith recently confirmed long-standing rumors about his marriage to Jada Pinkett, stating that their's is an open marriage, in which each of them is free to sleep with other people, and that is what has kept their bond so strong for so long. I remember when I first heard the rumor a couple of years ago, and refused to believe that it was true. But that changed in time; so this confirmation by Will isn't a surprise. Although, I'm sure all those people who questioned the ideology behind the couple's new school for their children, calling it a Scientology experiment, will have even more wood (pun intended) to throw into the pit.
The story goes...
- Will Smith has revealed the secret to a happy marriage - asking permission from your wife before you cheat on her.
The 'Men In Black' star says he and his wife of seven years, actress Jada Pinkett, have made a pact that they can sleep with other people, as long as it isn't behind each others back.
Will, who has confessed to fancying his co-stars, revealed: "Our perspective is you don't avoid what's natural. You're going to be attracted to people. In our marriage vows, we didn't say 'forsaking all others'.
"If it came down to it, then one can say to the other, 'Look, I need to have sex with somebody. I'm not going to if you don't approve of it - but please approve of it'."
HAHA!
But, all kidding aside... if anyone has seen my film, Beautiful Things, you'll know that I'm not entirely sold on long-term monogamy. I think it's a social construct and simply just not natural. Obviously, people do pair up and stay together for lifetimes. But I wonder just how content those people really are. I wonder how many of them might be surpressing some genuine desire for something else, or something more, but are afraid to act on what might in essence be a natural human response to stimuli; or have been so influenced by societal currents that they genuinely believe it immoral to act on their primal desires.
I don't plan on ever getting married. I've been in enough relationships in my 34 years on this planet, and have done enough self-analyzing, reaching certain realizations about myself, that have helped me understand what works for me. And I know that I just can't see myself in a monogamous relationship, with one woman, for more than a few years, let alone the rest of my life!
That obviously puts me in a quandary because most people I know have perspectives on this that are contrary to mine. Not only that - I'm still human, so I crave companionship from time to time like every other member of my species - both emotional and physical. However, the difference is, for me, the novelty wears off eventually - often relatively soon thereafter.
I think I can say that this is likely the case for many others (even though they all won't admit it), since, according to census stats, more than 50% of all marriages (in America anyway) end in divorce! Why, if not for reasons I stated above? It's like we keep trying to force ourselves into believing that there's only this singular specific way to live, even though we haven't been entirely successful with that way.
I don't think the end of a relationship automatically means that the relationship wasn't successful. I believe every experience is meant to be learned from; every person I get involved with is simultaneously a teacher and a student. We learn from each other. And eventually, the symbiosis fulfills its roll in each of our lives, and it's time to end it.
So, I actually appreciate the Pinkett-Smiths' method. Call it madness, but it makes sense to me. I think about these things frequently, and discuss them with friends often as well, so I could write volumes on the subject. I certainly don't plan to spend the rest of my life as a bachelor, but I don't plan to succumb to societal pressure either. I'm sure I can find some happy, healthy middle, which could be as simple as pairing up with a woman who shares my POV.
SOURCE: WILL'S SECRET TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE
My view is contrary to yours and I'm sure I can't tell you anything you haven't heard already.So please just satisfy my curiousity. How long did it take you to reach this conclusion? When you decide to end your bachelorhood, how confident are you that you will find a woman who shares your pov?
The most important question, how can I see your movie?
Marriage is not for everyone that's for sure...at least what society dictates a marriage should be. Personally, I was terrified of it for a long time. How terrified? Let's just say I have been engaged twice, and both times I chickened out. In my mind marriage always signified the end of the adventure, being caged in, the inevitable loss of sexual passion, and BOREDOM. Flames (sexual, intellectual or spiritual) left untended will eventually die out. At 40 I realize marriage can be whatever you want it to be.
I'm not down with the Will and Jada scenario, but I totally understand the concept. Two people LOVE each other deeply and they want their relationship to flourish indefinitely. Some would question if that love is genuine. Who are we to judge? The question is: How much is each party willing to sacrifice to keep themselves and other party fulfilled in the union. For some people the solution is an open relationship, but freedom can mean many different things.
I knew a couple that was blissfully married 20 years. They did not live in the same home, but they were in a faithful, monogamous relationship. They kept things hot, hot, hot. Go figure! Hey if it works have at it. For them autonomy and a sense of freedom was the key to bliss. I always thought that was such a cool scenario...almost like having a part-time husband...lol.
As you said, finding someone that shares your point of view is the key...not to mention honesty and a bit of SELFLESSNESS ;o)
Sorry to be so long winded, but this is such an interesting topic.
- P
TOR! We hardly knew ye Lol!
I'm in my late 20s, and marriage isn't something that I'm thinking about at this point in my life. I still don't know how I feel about monogamy. Depends on the day you ask me Lol.
P above said something I think would be the best situation for myself -- not living in the same home Lol! I like solitude. I can be selfish like that.
I also wonder if this varies between the sexes? I mean did Jada wholeheartedly agree to this and if so is she sleeping with other men the way Will is sleeping with other women? I want to doubt that she does.
Most of the time it's men who I hear voice things like this. Few women. Mostly men. So maybe it is a gender thing. I don't know. This will require the collective minds of Freud, Kinsey and Nietzsche to answer Lol.
Catch - It's taking me most of my adulthood to reach this conclusion. I've found women who share my POV right now, but romance isn't much of a priority for me at the moment; however, I don't have a specific date and time that I plan to end my bachelorhood. You can purchase my movie on Amazon.com. CLICK HERE
P - it is an interesting topic, isn't it? Relationship dynamics usually are... to me anyway. There are so many ways others choose to go about it... as long as both parties are unified in whatever decision is made.
Albertine - maybe it is a gender thing. I haven't done any research on this, however, I've met both men and women who feel this way about relationships and who are willing to experiment until they find something that works for both of them. I can tell you some interesting stories :o)